Well actually the real lesson was the interesting arguments my brain had with itself. “If you eat this (crouton, chocolate, pretzel, etc) no one will know.” The impact of others on my self discipline became apparent. Self accountability and self discipline obviously need to be interwoven.

This week’s challenge is 20 minutes of brain training every day. No shock that memory was my lowest score. I am surprised by both how much I am enjoying the Luminosity exercises on my iPad and how much I am still afraid of math. Sigh. HighSchool math leaves such scars on the psyche.

At the same dinner I also learned about the impact of wine (it IS made of fruit!) on self discipline. Fortunately I finished strong on the meal, Cindy having devoured the bread in self defense. The last glass wrestled down any intention of sticking to last week’s meditation-before-bed-to-sleep-better exercise.

So here I lie, starting my day off with an unintentional wake up call and wishing that wine wasn’t a fruit!

Like physical exercise, self-discipline can’t go from couch-potato form to an Iron Man.  Self-Discipline is a muscle that needs regular workouts to keep it strong and supportive.  BIG goals require that support to keep them on track.  My BIG goals have enough challenge from the outside world; they don’t need my inside world getting in the way!

So I sat down and wrote 26 self-discipline exercises to get in shape for my own personal Iron Man (like ripped abs for the mind!)  Each Sunday evening I make a random draw of the exercise I will do for the coming week.  If I miss a day, that exercise carries over to the next week until I have mastered it.

The first week started off easy: 15 minutes of meditation each night before bed.  Or so I thought.  Meditating with a raging headache after a really trying day made for a looooong 15 minutes, most of which was spent in (a familiar) mental argument with my flabby self-discipline.  And it won.

Next week takes it up a notch: only fruits, vegetables and fish.  Let’s just say that my self-discipline muscle will get quite a workout!  Any favorite recipes or tips out there to help get me through?  Want to join me in the self-discipline gym?

Molly Keebler from the Center for Brain Health was our speaker and her topic “The Brain: An Owner’s Guide” had my rapt attention right out of the gate (an unusual circumstance given my usual food-and-beverage focus).  I am fascinated by the brain, how we are all wired differently and how that wiring drives us, messes with us, and takes us to new heights.  I know a lot about what makes people tick and deal with the human phenomenon in business every day. I am paid daily, and well, to manage the crowded and often dangerous intersection of business results and human behavior.

But my own brain has me at a loss.   Where did it go?  Will it come back some day?  Is it visiting other planets while I struggle to remember my son’s cell phone # (thank God for speed dial)?  I felt so alone in my challenges to remember key facts, like my husband’s name and did I already take my vitamins today.  Surely it would be on the national news if this was common among previously intelligent professionals – our GDP would sink like a stone.  I must have a brain tumor, early Alzheimer’s or RN Factor (too many romance novels at an early age).  Was I destined to feverishly try and hang on to remaining brain cells with hours of Sudoku and Times crossword puzzles?

So when Molly took to the podium I was eager for enlightenment.

First, losing your mind in midlife is normal, particularly for women.  Apparently we have compensating benefits, like increased creativity and higher awareness.  I’m in hopeful anticipation.

Second, aerobic exercise  has the biggest impact on brain health as we age. (There was something mentioned about avoiding alcohol too but I was revisiting the appetizer bar at that point)

Third, there are things we can do to keep our brain active and growing – and it doesn’t involve (thank God once again) Sud0ku or crossword puzzles.  Apparently these activities only improve your ability to fill in little boxes with numbers or letters.  Here are the Center for Brain Health Healthy Brain Tips:

• Avoid multitasking to increase brain efficiency
• Laser focus on important tasks
• Construct bottom-line messages, not a litany of facts
• Sleep (yeah!) to advance high-powered ideas
• Catapult curiosity; ask provocative questions
• Raise the bar on your expertise
• Apply specialization in novel contexts
• Ignite insights through brain downtime (more sleep!)
• Practice strengthens brain efficiency
• Innovate by identifying and solving future goals and problems

Given that I exercise and have nine out of ten (damn that iPhone) tips nailed down, I’m feeling pretty good at that point.  My biggest take-away from the session: I’m NORMAL!   Thank you Molly.  I’ll be sure to attend your next lecture…if I don’t forget.

So while sitting on the patio this afternoon, enjoying Spring (and a chilled mojito) in between getting somewhere’s, I realized I was relaxed and happy.  Right now, right in this moment.  All those get-er-done’s could wait their turn while happy took center stage.  A sweet breeze, setting sunshine, blooming flowers and playing ball with and 8-year-old pup who sets the model for relaxed and happy.  Happy doesn’t even take that long.  Why do we put it off?

Too often we wait for the impossibly empty in-box to signal time for happy.  “I can relax when…” is just a myth.  So take time for happy now.  Take time to stop and smell the BBQ.  The chilled mojito doesn’t hurt either.

I particularly remember Mom’s cake decorating phase, an explosion of flour, sugar and Crisco that produced everything from Winnie the Pooh cakes to edible Choo Choo trains.  It seemed strange at the time for us to consume entire cakes at one sitting, but now that I have panic attacks when my chocolate stash runs low, I get it.  Looking back, it is a wonder we ever got our hands on a cute caboose.  And then there were the petit fours.  Tiny pieces of delicate white cake layered with crème filling, smothered in a smooth flow of icing so sweet even my 16-year-old tastebuds revolted, topped with carefully executed designs of swirls and petals.  Filled with a recent nostalgia and visions of my own petit fours dancing in my head, I took out the recipe, then quickly decided I would rather shoot myself than go through all those steps.  Mom should have done the same.  I came home from school to a kitchen that looked like the aftermath of a Julia Child convention and Mom streaming tears as she bent over a half-dozen square blobs meant to resemble the carefully propped color photo on the counter.  The first, “Dammit” from my Christian mother should have warned me to head straight for me room.  But having my own premenstrual sugar craving in force held me firmly in the kitchen, politely asking, “Can I have one?”  I actually got two, straight in the chest (a third went wide and past my right ear), whereby Mom ran to her own room and didn’t reappear until the next day.  Dad and I ate the rest of the petit-fours-in-process for dinner.

Of course, menopause wasn’t a topic of dinner table discussions in those days; I just thought she was nuts.  I never connected the beloved Primarin bottle to hormonal upheaval that makes the teenage estrogen rollercoaster pale by comparison.  I thought she stayed awake nights to devise schemes meant to interfere with my life.   Now I know she was awake without benefit of Ambien and had nothing better to do.

Things have certainly changed today. Modern science and women’s liberation allow us to postpone a family until we’re darn good and ready to have one.  While great in theory, it boggles the mind to think about an entire generation of children born to barely premenopausal mothers.  Hot flashes during soccer practice.  Brain fog and algebra homework.  Forgetting your car pool pick up.  And instead of grounding our teenagers, perhaps we will just kill them.  If only we can remember where we left them…

I realized that I deserved something better.  Something better than the lengthy, and expensive, checklist that I usually slog my way through.  I’m shooting for something more along the lines of, “Thank God it’s Christmas”, rather than, “Thank God that’s over.”

Having been a coach since before it was a household word, I certainly know how to change things that aren’t working.  Time to kick in the formula:

AWARENESS + OUTCOME + ACTION = RESULT

Awareness was in the form of my bah-humbug attitude about the holidays.  I caught myself entering chore mode about the whole thing.  Time to stop and regroup.

Outcome was obvious.  I want to enjoy the holidays like I did when I was a kid (when someone else did all the work!); looking forward to putting up the tree, wandering the mall for the perfect gift (for me), and wishing the season would last a bit longer.

Action is the challenging part but I’m off to a great start.  I completed 90% of my Christmas shopping online yesterday in less than an hour.  There will be less under the tree this year but perhaps I’ll have enough holiday energy left to lie under it naked and Don won’t even notice!  We are doing Thanksgiving on a smaller scale with finer cuisine than comes from my kitchen, saving energy, money and waistline (no leftovers!) by eating out – a holiday first.  Christmas will be hosted here and my gift to the ever-increasing number of Prolific Pools will be a truly happy countenance and a large table to hold the pitch-in items.  I may even have the kids decorate the tree when they get here.

Instead of music at the Myerson, I’d rather see a Christmas play at church.  I want to find a to-die-for cookie recipe that doesn’t have trans fats (sorry Mom).  I want to talk to people rather than send out Christmas cards.  I want time to light a fire and energy to enjoy it.  I want to embrace the holiday spirit and share it gracefully.

So I’m off to a good start and see results already.  Now if I could just get past Don’s company karaoke party…

I like the European method of just shutting the country down during the summer so people can get the hell out of Dodge and really relax.  We’re talking taking weeks off at one time.  Let’s face it: it takes at least three days to get work out of your head (assuming you left your computer at the office and your Crackberry at home) and stop treating vacation like another item on the to-do list.

So this year I am taking a European Vacation, 24 days in Europe.  Over three weeks without voice mail, email, clients, doing laundry, or feeding the dogs.   Nothing but eating fresh pasta and admiring architechture that is older than our country.  I go limp just thinking about it.

Of course, the US won’t shut down while I’m noshing my way through five countries, so work is already piling up like the proverbial train wreck before departure.  But somehow I will survive the storm before the calm, knowing that regardless of what does or doesn’t get done, I’m outta here in 18 days!

Now it takes all evening just to keep up with my social network.  At least I have one.  Some of them I even know.  I’m not sure how sincere Franchise2Go is about being a follower of my Twitter updates, but at least I have a follower.  I’ve heard you can hire consultants to develop your social network “brand” and grow your friend / follower count.   Go figure…paying someone to find you friends. 

I’m not jumping on that bandwagon, so maybe my blog fans (few but loyal) can sign up to see my “Coaching Tweet of the Day”.  It would sure boost my ego and give Mr. Franchse2Go some competition. 

http://twitter.com/MBACOACH 

When we judge by others, we are really covering our own gaps.

Take a moment to think about what consistently sets you off about other people.  Try completing this sentence:  I can’t stand people who… 

…are inconsiderate.   Where do you see yourself as lacking in this area?
…think I am too young/old to do this job.  Maybe you are the one who thinks you are too young/old.
…think they are better than others.   Do you harbor secret thoughts of superiority – or inferiority?
…are really assertive.  Maybe you wish you could be a little more assertive yourself.
…don’t respect me.  Perhaps you don’t respect yourself.

Once you transfer this energy of outward judgment into accepting or improving yourself, you’ll notice something amazing!  The less you negatively judge yourself, the less you will judge others and the less you will feel judged by others.  Maybe there is really something to that Bible scripture, “Judge not, that ye be not judged“

But don’t take my word on it…judge for yourself.

For tips on how to identify and change your inner critic, read Mirror…Mirror.